Dear Customer:

If you:

talk in circles

mumble

give me an address where your sister has service

don't want to answer my clarifying questions

It is a little hard to hear when you tell me I'm not paying attention
when I'm asking you clarifying questions to make sure I heard
you right when you mumbled.

It is a lot hard to hear when you tell me I'm barking at you
considering I'm being almost silent and then polite about any
questions I ask.

And when you hang up on me, it just makes me confused on top of aggravation.

To all of the customers not shopping today, Thank you.

To all of the customers yesterday expressing their surprise ans sympathy that our store is open regular hours on Thanksgiving day, Thank you. Pleas follow through on that sympathy with not putting any money into retail today.

To all of the customers shopping today, especially the ones expressing their false "Aw, what a shame you have to work today!" sympathies, there's a two word phrase much like "thank you" but with a much different tone. Consider it expressed.

Hope everyone else in the community has a Happy Thanksgiving. I'll be thinking of my fellow wage slaves as I work my shift and eat whatever Thanksgiving dinner I can get when I get off at 11:30 tonight.

Dear Customer,

I know you think that you're doing me a favor by not picking up after yourself in my store, but please understand as a person working minimum wage that it's not anything close to a favor to me. Actually, I find it pretty rude that you seem to think it's alright to waltz around my Payless shop, try on shoes and then leave the shoes you try on scattered across the floor in the isles. Is it really that difficult to put the shoe back where you found it?

I have much to do every day, even if there are times it looks as though I'm standing around. Aside from checking the promo stickers so the prices are correct, putting freight out in a timely manner (and contrary to popular belief, there is a rhyme and reason to how we present shoes through style, color and brand) and make sure the store is clean enough so other customers can get through the isles, I just don't find it worth the short chunk of change I get every week to play babysitter for adults in my store who can't pick up after themselves.

Also, for the stupid customers out there who can't read numbers, keep track of what size shoe you're wearing. It costs us money when you can't place the shoe back in the correct box and someone stupidly walks out with one left shoe that's one size and one right shoe that's a whole other size.

Pick up after youself. I have enough stuff to deal with on my plate at minimum wage that I don't feel picking up after your lazy butt fits my job description. In fact, you should feel ashamed Ms. Customer.

Sincerely,
Payless Employee.

Dear child,

I understand your dislike for Shortbread cookies, as I am not much of a fan either; however, should you ask for one I will give you one. Furthermore, when you reappear at my counter, yelling at another associate about which cookie you actually asked for I get a little pissed. Firstly, you're no only then ten and you are speaking to my 21-year-old coworker as if she were mentally challenged. Secondly, you didn't pay a cent for that cookie either- it came free with your meal. Be grateful.

Dear father of that child,

When you walked up and heard your son speaking to another human being that way, what did you think? It must not have been much. I can tell you, with complete confidence, that if I ever speak (or spoke) to a person that way and one of my parents heard I would have had a sore rear for a week. Teaching your children respect is your job, and by the actions of your young son you clearly have failed.

Sincerely,
Your Bakery associate

Dear Customer,

How many times do I need to inform you of the same damned thing? I know Get Smart and Indiana Jones have been out for a long time now. No, they aren't on your program yet. I don't know when they will go on it. Usually it's 4-6 weeks, it's been almost 8. I've never seen movies take this long, but it's corporate's decision as to when a movie goes on to your program so you can get it for free. Don't like it, either upgrade your program so you don't have to wait for movies to be free for you, or pay the damned $4 to rent it and quit bitching.

~Josh

Dear "Floppers",

I call you that because of your incessant need to flop your library cards down on the counter. It's one thing when I'm in the middle of counting out your books or bringing up the correct screen, but to do it when I so obviously have my hand out for your card? You're rude. I don't like you. Go away.

-K


Dear Adjunct Faculty,

I may have complained about this before, I can't be certain. You seem to have a superiority complex that is a bit undeserved. Full-time faculty do not have this problem, so I can only assume it's low self-esteem. Taking out your frustration on we lowly library peons is only going to make us hate you all the more, so that when you DO finally screw up (just because you don't pay library fines doesn't mean we can't get you for something else) we're that much less likely to give you a break.

Also, I go to ratemyprofessors.com and write nasty things about you. >:)

-K (the student worker you keep stomping all over)


Dear Phone Patrons,

STOP CALLING THE LIBRARY TO ASK WHEN YOU CAN SELL YOUR BOOKS BACK. I know "library" sounds an awful lot like "bookstore," but they're two completely different things. The only reason you're going to pay for a book here is if you lost it, and we're certainly not giving you any money. If you have ever been into either location you KNOW you can't utilize the features of one at the other.

You're in college, people. This is sad.

-K


Dear Mr. G,

I'm sorry I didn't know you passed away last month. You were probably one of the sweetest elderly men I have ever known. I assume you had a stroke at least once before, and that was why you had so much trouble speaking, but I hope you know that I still understood everything you said, and I was always happy to help.

-K

Dear Customer #1,

If you are going to get an entire cartful of fabric cut, please do it earlier than 10:30 at night, when there is more than one employee here.

Your entirely-too-busy-for-this fabrics employee.

(If she'd been half an hour later, I would have missed her altogether.)

***

Dear Customer #2 (and #3),

When there is a stack of fabric on the table that belongs to another customer (#1), do not dig through the stack. Would you want me to paw through the contents of your cart? No? Then offer other customers the same courtesy.

Your fabrics employee who REALLY does not have time for this.

***

Dear Late Night Customers in general,

You like having merchandise on the shelves? You like having things in stock? Then stop bitching about the pallets out on the salesfloor. Our store is over four acres in area, It takes over eight hours out of the day to stock this monster.

Fabrics associate. Not a stocker, thank you very much.

Dear Nasty Lady,

Did you enjoy our spotless and shiny store when you came in less than 10 minutes before we closed? Nobody had been in for almost two hours so we cleaned it until it looked sparkly and new. I'm glad that you were fast and new exactly which four movies you wanted to buy. However, and I have no idea how this happened, do not leave your used, nasty looking underwear on my store's freshly mopped floor!!

Sincerely,
Grossed out management


Dear Stoners,

Because I get a contact high from you guys every single time you come in, and because one of my coworkers is allergic to the smell, I will be soon posting a sign that reads "If you smell like pot, you will be thrown out." And no, we still don't allow you to use your foodstamp card/EBT Cash card as a form of valid credit to open up an account. We didn't last week, or the week before that. Marijuana effects the memory. And as an aside, I would like to take this time to point out that I wouldn't care if you spent your money on pot if it didn't mean you were using my tax dollars for your food stamps. Stop with the pot and get yourself a damned job other than drug dealer (Yes, I know you are a drug dealer because you have foodstamps and always have a wad of $100 bills on you every single time you come in that is so large it has to be more than I make in a month).

Sincerely,
Pissed off (and now stoned) management

Dear Customer,

When I say hi, how are you as you walk into my shop, the correct response is not an abrupt and rather nasty I'm just looking.

I know you're used to being bombarded in the malls and sprayed by the Lancome ladies at Macy's. But this is a jewelry shop at the Renaissance Festival. Get over yourself, okay? We're not going to pressure you, because our business thrives on repeat customers who are happy with their jewelry. If you wind up regretting your decision then we won't see you again next season. Do you understand how this works? We would rather take our time and help you decide whether or not you actually want to buy something.

Sometimes a greeting is just a greeting.


-Kel